**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
