Soap is not a condiment
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
