my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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