So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize