Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize