It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
