The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
