It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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