I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
