Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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