so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
