I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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