i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sext me about skeletons
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
