How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
