On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone shit on the floor
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
