Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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