So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
