I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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