highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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