It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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