Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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