Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
