she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
