I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
