The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
