I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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