We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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