Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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