You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
