i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
