upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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