the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
