what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im holly from the hills drunk
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
