There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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