All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize