Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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