just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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