cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
