I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
