I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
