Already got asked if we're dating
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
