I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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