You smell like a Billy Joel song
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
