But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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