I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
