i think i scared a bird with my dick
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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