Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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