I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize