is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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