wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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