i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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