I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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