maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
