the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
