Barsexuality is the new black.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh god it's open bar.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
