just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
