Moan for me like Helen Keller
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize