your thong is hanging out like whoa
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
