did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
