I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
