perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I fill condoms, not promises.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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