i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
