its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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