i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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