Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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