She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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