why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
