Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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