my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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