One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
