found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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