I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
