Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
