The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
