The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
