For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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