i need an iv and a liver transplant
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
