he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
