The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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